Lesson Corner
You are important and so are all of your feelings and needs. This is true of everyone. That means it is important that you take your own and others feelings and needs into account. When you are not doing that, you are discounting.
DISOUNTING AND PASSIVITY
DISCOUNT= ignore, minimize or aggrandize (blow out of proportion)
SELF
thoughts
feelings
wants
needs
behavior
actions
OTHER
thoughts
feelings
wants
needs
behavior
actions
SITUATION
who
what
where
when
how
importance
You can see that it is possible to discount your own thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, behavior, and actions or those of someone else. You can also discount the situation in a variety of ways. There are different levels of discounting, each of which has its own effects. If there is no problem you don't have to deal with anything, however, that problem will continue to create more problems if not addressed.
LEVELS OF DISCOUNTING
  1. Level of existence - "There is no problem"
  2. Level of significance - "It is not important"
  3. Level of solution/change - "There is no solution" Blames others
  4. Level of accountability - "I can't do it" Helpless
All discounts lead to passivity. I believe that passivity is one of the biggest problems in America and it exists because of so much discounting. The most recognized passive behavior is to do nothing. Of course if you perceive there is no problem there is no need to act. The same is true if you believe the problem is not important. If you think there is no solution, then there is none and there is no reason to do anything. If you believe you are helpless, then you are, and of course you will do nothing because you are helpless.
Many women especially have been taught to please others and at great cost to them. The person you need to please is yourself. You can be true to yourself, honor your own needs and feelings, and also be compassionate, understanding, and supportive of others. Agitation takes many forms, it could be overeating, biting your nails, shaking your foot, being compulsive, any addiction, or any activity that serves no useful purpose. Agitation is designed to help you NOT FEEL. Here is a basic principle: "WHAT YOU CAN'T FEEL, YOU CAN'T HEAL!" When you can no longer contain the energy that has built up in you, then you will either incapacitate or escalate.
PASSIVITY
+1. Do Nothing
++2. Overadapt - please others
+++3. Agitation - purposeless activity re: solving problem ALL ADDICTIONS IN THIS CATEGORY
++++4. Incapacitation - energy goes inward, get sick, go crazy
Escalation - energy goes outward, angry, blames, violence
SymbiosisThe reason that people are passive, is to maintain the symbiosis, which is what the drawing represents. Instead of being fully accountable, they expect someone else to take care of them. This is outside of their awareness. What they really want is to feel that experience of symbiosis, that they had when they were a small baby. Adults do this in their primary relationships and it is very unhealthy. Each person needs to be whole and complete in themselves and be accountable for their needs and feelings. It is OK to ask directly for what you need. The other can then choose how to respond. The symbiosis is one person functioning only out of their P or parent part, and A adult part, while the other only responds as a child. Between the two there is an adult, a parent and a child but neither person has all three functioning so no one is whole.

You can be whole and healthy in all parts of your life and relationships. It may take some learning and healing and you can do it. Believe in yourself and your future. Together, we can create a world that works for everyone.